obsessive compulsive disorder

an old secret life of obsessions with organizing my things which had a grip on my life...

I developed obsessive compulsive disorder when I was in HS. My worries about my personal effects had a powerful hold over me. I'd get very anxious and feel under pressure to keep my things organized.
I didn't realize anything was wrong: it was just the way I had to live my life.
Every time I'd come home from wherever I’d tidy my room, pulling everything out and cleaning everywhere. Everything had to be in its right place. When it’s tidy, I'd leave because I didn't want to mess it up. I wouldn't let anyone into my room.

At work, I wouldn’t want anyone to borrow my things without returning it in it’s place. I wouldn’t want anyone using my PC, phone and everything in my work station because I know it won’t be the same as I left it.

No one of my friends or colleagues spotted anything out of the ordinary. Even my family didn't see anything wrong with me spending a lot of time in my room.
If I’m seated next to a person sweating and smells bad I’d easily get upset. It’ll really made me dislike any poor bloke.

Soon my anxieties turned to anger. I'd be very hostile and inflexible. I had to be early or on time. I got anxious about timekeeping and gave other people, who are often late, a really tough time if they put me behind time.

"More worried about organizing and being pressured with work."

Things came to my head one day before going to work. I had to be on time at work but in my mind I couldn't do it until I’d arranged my room. I felt totally under pressure.
I asked myself why didn't I just leave and go to work? It had never occurred to me that tidying my room could wait. I suddenly realized that my way of life was wrong. I was lost. In the end I managed to go to work – not in a hurry.

I had my own cognitive behavioural therapy after, where I went through all aspects of my behaviour and find other ways of dealing with difficult situations.
I then realized my thoughts about being untidy or unorganized or being not on time were not real threats, just thoughts. Slowly, I began to get my day back.

"Getting life back on track."

Anyone who has compulsions you can't explain should check on yourself. It's not easy as lots of people do things they don't understand - but many are extreme and suffer in silence.
I was worried about the stigma anywhere who are aware but everybody I know was really supportive. I think of OCD partly as a positive thing: it means I'm punctual and organised!

"Now, I'm just chilling out."